Kaiser!: The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football

A football book so crazy, you won't believe the story

It is often said, “the book is better than the movie”. For many examples this is not true, but in the case of Kaiser!: The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football by Rob Smyth, this is certainly the case. 

Kaiser is one of the best football books I have ever read. Not because it is about a footballer and his exploits on the pitch. No, this is a great book thanks to the ludicrousness of the entire story and the exploits of the man off the pitch. It is a story that seems to be true, although, with every good story, there are some embellishments. 

I had watched the film years before reading the book. It was a mistake. I didn’t have any context for the story and paused the film to look up information on the Internet about the main character, Carlos Henrique Raposo, aka Kaiser. Despite all the football knowledge I possess, I’d never heard of Kaiser.

The book does a far better job of explaining the story and the details of it. The documentary seems to think viewers already know about Kaiser’s story. They also jump around and try to pack 10 pounds of information into a five-pound bag.  

What is Kaiser!: The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football about?

Kaiser!: The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football is a story about Brazilian football Carlos Henrique Raposo, who is better known as Kaiser. He grew up in the favelas of Rio de Janeiro in a family struggling through poverty and alcoholism. Like many boys from the favelas, Kaiser gravitates toward football and is good at it – or at least good enough.  

Over the years, he finds that he likes football but loves to be a footballer. He isn’t interested in playing. Rather, Kaiser wants to give off the appearance of being a footballer. He loves the lifestyle, the women, the attention, and the adulation from fans.

Kaiser is good enough and has the connections to get signed by various clubs around Rio. It leads to him living the lifestyle of a footballer, without ever playing a match. He signs for different teams and earns a wage packet, but never plays a minute. How does he keep from playing? He fakes injury after injury of course.  

Is this a true story?

At first, the stories in Kaiser!: The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football seem difficult to believe. But there are so many former Brazilian footballers, friends of Kaiser’s, that back up his stories.

Kaiser ingratiated himself with footballers and the executives of clubs by being the life of the party. He hooked players up with parties, women, orgies, and drugs. He even babysat some to keep them out of trouble.

Anything a player wanted; Kaiser could somehow get. The only thing he asked for in return was to be able to present himself as a professional footballer.  

Some of the stories in Kaiser!: The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football are fantastic. Some are difficult to believe and a few are outright lies – which a couple of footballers come clean on in the book to Kaiser’s anger. There are embellishments, but overall, this is a fantastic read.

I would have likely not read the book hadn’t it not been for listening to a recent episode of That Peter Crouch Podcast. I had completely forgotten about Kaiser’s story having struggled through watching the documentary, which failed to keep my attention for large spells. The book was the complete opposite. It kept my attention throughout and I found myself staying up late at night unable to put it down.  

I will admit it does fade toward the end, once the great stories of Kaiser’s antics fade and the harsh reality of his current life is explained. The book has some great insight into Brazilian football of the 1980s. It seemed like a wild west, which makes the story of Kaiser even more plausible.  

A must-read book

Kaiser!: The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football is a football book, but it isn’t a common autobiography or biography. It is a tale about a player who conned footballers, clubs, women, and himself. It is a great read and one that keeps readers wondering if the stories are true.  

I highly recommend Kaiser!: The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football to any football fan looking for something different when it comes to football-related books.